Feeling devastated to finding purpose

Ups and downs in farm life are real. The extremes of both have left me breathless and brought tears. I still know there is no other job I want to be doing. 

I was headed home from a farmer's on Wednesday, when my husband called. He told me Ms. Moo Moo Face had a calf and he needed my help to bring calf and mama in from pasture. First of all...yes our children named the cow.
Second, we like to let the moms have a calf where they are most comfortable, and then bring them into the shed area so we can keep an eye on them. The calves also like to wander under the electric fences and get confused about getting back, which is stressful for mom and babe, the shed area alleviates this issue.
Before I left the house he called back to say she had twins!
In 30 years of farming, we had never had twins until our first set in the fall of 2025. The twin rate in cows is about 1% in beef cows and 4-5% in dairy cows. Our cows are mixed breeds of beef and dairy, so I guess we are somewhere in the middle. 
I quickly changed out of my "town clothes" and headed out to the farm ready to help with cows. We got the threesome back to the sheds and settled. By Thursday afternoon both girl calves were nursing and seemed to be off to a great start.
Friday afternoon we noticed Penguin (again the kids with the names!) was in labor. I was able to spend some time sitting in the sun watching her steadily progress. It was a beautiful day. I was also able watch one of the hawks that have been at the farm leisurely circling overhead and land nearby. It was a magical 30 minutes of being able to sit still and joyfully take it all in. I don't quietly sit at the farm very often. As far as things I "should" do, I need to put this higher on the list.
Penguin was progressing slowly and I had to cook dinner, I headed home. Jed ate quickly and headed back to the farm. No calf yet. 
He called around 9 to say she had a calf, and he needed help bringing them in. The calf was already on it's feet and moving around quickly! I was out to the farm and we were on our way to her, about 15 minutes since he saw her.
We walked out to pasture, and again found twins! Our last 3 births on the farm have been twins. It seems we are getting 30 years worth of twins delivered in a year. We have learned that many old timers think twins are determined by the bull. We are pretty happy with our neighbor's current bull!
As Jed lifted the first calf into our cart, he noticed it had a broken leg. Devastating. It must have gotten stepped on when Jed went to get his phone to call me. The mom could have done it as she darted between calves or one of the other nosey cows, who were too fired up to be around newborns. We never had a broken bone in a critter. My mind immediately went to every old western I watched and I thought we'd have to "put it out of its misery". I didn't think it was possible for it to survive. Darn the human mind always jumping to the worst. I was fighting tears as we brought the three of them back to the sheds. It was healthy and perfect when born...and then it wasn't. I was so sad!
We got the calves in...amazed at how our 3 legged friend kept trying to walk, and how he was actually doing it. I think he was in shock and the birth hormones were still surging through him. After a quick internet search, I found out the prognosis was in reality pretty good, especially for the back leg. Relief washed over me and a purpose to take care of our calf became the drive. We learned how to make a splint out of PVC pipe and called the kids to raid the medical kit at home to bring more gauze and wrapping material.
I'd like to take a moment to cheer for technology and the amount of times I've used it during an animal emergency to gain knowledge. Having access to the internet when standing next to an animal in need is amazing. Jed and I did not grow up as farmers. This is not knowledge we absorbed when young. Even when Jed started farming, he had to leave the farm to go home and call someone because there was no phone at the farm and cell phones were not that common yet. Leaving a hurt animal is a really terrible feeling. Most importantly cows ONLY get sick or in trouble late at night or on the weekends when the vets are not available. Guaranteed. Every time.
We splinted it, got some colostrum in it and made sure it was settled on some fresh straw. We went home at 11 pm to come up with a plan for the early Saturday market and impending cow needs.
Saturday morning Jed called his mentor to get some advice. We weren't sure if a splint would do it long term or not, even if we kept replacing it with a bigger one. On Ernie's recommendation, we ended up taking the calf to the vet, who met us specially on a Saturday. Calfie was X-rayed and inspected, with our daughter by his side assuring him he'd be okay.
Our calf now has a green cast! Calves heal quickly because their bones grow so rapidly. The vet even said I did a pretty good job setting the bone...so you know...call me if you need me! He is up nursing and moving around and seems to be doing well. We are giving him comfrey to help mend him. His brother is also doing great. 
I know cow expressions don't really change, but I've learned putting a cast on a calf just makes them look sad. Awww, little guy, I can't help but personify you. The cast will be on for 2-4 weeks, and then he will be uninhibited to be a spunky calf!
The 4 of these calves are so cute! It is going to be fun to watch them grow up together.

Being around cows, like any living being, brings joy, tears, confusion, satisfaction, love, gratefulness, frustration and so many other emotions. I'm truly grateful to be around these beings. Witnessing birth, calm mom's, life and death. It grounds me to this beautiful place and keeps me attuned to the circle of life we are all constantly walking.

Photos: #1: Twin girls nursing on mama Ms. Moo Moo Face.
#2: Mama Penguin and the little steer with a broken leg.